i think my mom watched the whole time
The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
i just looked in the mirror i look like i'm about to film a PSA about prostitution
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
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