i already hear my dad disowning me
She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Are taco bell cups microwave safe? I can't make that judgement right now
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
Randomize
