I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I feel as though my head has drastically changed shape
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
You were trust falling into bushes
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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