'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize