i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
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