Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
