i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
Jerry just sent me this: IOR GHIT ALL THE BUTTIB. Go get him. Now.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
Randomize
