im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
He said I was cute and he handed me a stuffed bear from his car. I don't care that he was 80, I named it Hector.
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I sold him an eighth while trippin balls wearin my girlfriends tutu and tube top. and i was talking about albinos the entire time
well, he defiantly picked the right guy to buy drugs from
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
Randomize
