I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
I look better un-naked...
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Randomize
