dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
im shotgunning beers in the kitchen. alone. the cat is judging me.
This is simple. Just sex and high fives. No feelings.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
