I should be sponsored by Trojan
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
so i literally woke up after a night of doing lines to a bag of pretzels falling off my bed. a reminder that maybe this is a contributing factor to my freshman 15.
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
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