Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
He asked me out while I'm back in town. I have to acknowledge and honor his persistence.
Your vagina must be laced with cocaine...
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize