I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
