Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
