my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
My eyes are so dilated i literally have night vision right now.
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Randomize
