Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Randomize
