I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
