I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
You should seriously consider super glueing your knees together
The power of my vagina can withstand any attempt of celibacy
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Any formal decision about whether we're planning to objectify naked women with daddy issues tonight?
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
i was on the fire escape while he ate me out for a while before i realized he had shut the door behind us and locked us out and i proceeded to climb down the stairs and climb back into the party through the window.
i can only hope to be on your level one day.
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
