I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
Randomize