Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Jk. Anyone who everbeers with me is my type.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
