Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I wonder how drunk we can get before Christmas Caroling turns into trespassing.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Randomize
