sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
Randomize
