Joe is yelling at the trees again.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
