96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
you came home and ate 12 bananas. you really didnt think mom would know you were high?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
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