You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
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