I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
