i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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