i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
