is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Watch out, there's a giant vagina in the quad running around screaming at people.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
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