is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
Randomize
