he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I feel like ass. I'm missing 12 hours of my life and all I have to show for it is an empty wendys bag. Those Shrooms were too much... When do we do it again?
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
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