$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
jake and the teradactyl broke up, operation get high and find him a new girl who hasn't had sexual experiences with three delts simultaniously is in full effect.
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
