My first STD was from a foam party
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
