Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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