id be glad to
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
