**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
operation have a gay friend backfired
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
Ohmygod. I don't know if I can explain how great it'll be. I hope you don't mind Subaru sex
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
