the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
Randomize
