Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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