I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
I ate an entire popcorn ball before bed. I know that because there is popcorn stuck to my poncho. Also. I'm still drunk. Also. I made out with a 19 year old. Also. #barnparties
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
i peed in the parking lot at work not even thinking, a woman saw
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
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