I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
That's like rubbing a penis in my face and not giving it to me.
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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