Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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