Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
