i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
Man, I meant to go dancing, but accidentally took mushrooms and just threw the frisbee in the park
Surprise ending
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
