i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
