just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
Randomize
