he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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