dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
The professor just announced to the class that I talked to him in the bar on my birthday.
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I didn't want to but I was drunk in a Disney bathroom with her and had a weak moment.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
Randomize
