i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Randomize
