You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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