My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Randomize