Shit chicky whatchu wearin rt now, ur skins?
Oh dear, kinda... in ur sweats!
U look good, r we getting naked in ur car?
I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
You are a piece of meat with a side of awesome to me.
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
