; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
