dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my mom just called and warned me someone is trying to serve me, i feel like i'm playing an extreme game of hide and go seek these next weeks
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
She told me I should be a condom model.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
