The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
The struggles of a small town man whore
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Randomize
