It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
3 different guys in my psych class know me as 3 different names and said hi to me with all 3 different names-Andrea, Grace, and Bella
I've never been more proud of you
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
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