yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
