Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
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