Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
Get caught with marijuana. Cop takes piece. Buy new bong. Circle of fun.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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