I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
farters have to be the big spoon...
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize