pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
Just got physical proof that at 6 am i was running around with raw potatoes threatening to mash them on his floor. Hello, Mobile uploads
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
His flight is delayed. Mother Nature is delaying me from sex.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
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