a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Did I show you my penis last night?
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
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