In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
He won't sleep with me again until I commit...
Run. There is other dick in the sea, less clingy dick.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
If you need anything just hit me up
Pancakes
Noted.
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
Randomize
