1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
