i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
iphones do not disturb setting is the biggest cock block to my 3am booty calls
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
