I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
After I spend a passionate night with my vibrator, I have to awake and face my stuffed animals. Their beady eyes are full of shame and disappointmet. I can't deal with that level of judgement.
Randomize
