I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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