So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
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