Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize