and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
