I missed Saved by the Bell this morning, but Ashley in a later episode of Fresh Prince is keeping the morning wood alive.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
I think when your throwing up on the highway on the way to pick up your mom from the airport is a sign to slow down.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
It’s a 10 inch dick! Of course I’m getting a Brazilian
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