We walked 2 miles, legit 2 miles, and purchased 7 half gallons. One for each of us. Intense
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
