Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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