You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
Maybe i shouldn't have told him the key to getting in my pants was double vodka sodas and Nelly's song "grillz."
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Randomize
